How to Avoid Parental Burnout

We are going to take a break this week from our Kindergarten Readiness series to talk about burnout. For all the jokes we make about burnout, it is a very real condition. Our society equates burnout with laziness, but that could not be further from the truth.

The world’s current condition is pushing more and more parents past their limits than ever before. As parents, we are asked to care for our children and take full responsibility for their education all while juggling work and the household. At the same time, all of our support systems have been stripped away.

Instead of finding ways to help parents, the media tells us to just “forget perfection” or “leave the dishes for later”.

Really?

We are parents! We haven’t had Instagram worthy homes since the day that bundle of joy came home. Your advice for us is to neglect chores for months until they become a full project to get the house in working order? Really?

Burnout can sneak up on you.

I was fine. Tired, but we were chugging along getting things done and only dropping the occasional ball. Then the 4th of July craziness started.

The two weeks before July 4th were like a warzone in our neighborhood. Fireworks would start around 9 and go as late as 1 or 2 am. The baby would wake, get scared, and cry.

Sleep became a dream. My days were fueled by caffeine, sugar, and adrenaline. And after the holiday weekend when things finally started to settle down, I collapsed.

Literally.

I had unwittingly blown through tired, passed exhaustion, and fallen right into danger. The room would not stop spinning. I could not quite tell where I was or what I was supposed to be doing, and keeping my eyes open was a herculean effort.

In the midst of taking care of everyone else, I forgot to take care of myself. I was in full burnout, and I was no help to anyone.

So what can we do?

Most tips to prevent burnout assume the reader is a vibrant 20-something with no responsibilities. And even the ones that do assume you have some responsibilities do not account for the added stresses of the times.

But there are things you can do to help safeguard against burnout.

Eat Healthy

As much as we would like to run on sugar and caffeine, our bodies are not built for it. It is hard right now to eat healthily. The food supply chain is currently unreliable, so making meal plans or finding everyone’s favorite foods can be hit or miss.

But you still have to eat healthily. The better the food you put in your body, the better you will feel. Don’t underestimate the value of a home-cooked meal.

Cooking can take a lot of time, so try to make big batches of things so you have leftovers. I try to cook big enough batches that we can eat leftovers for lunch, and maybe even dinner the next day. It helps a lot.

Prioritize Sleep

When you don’t have a moment alone, it can be tempting to stay up late. Or maybe the baby isn’t sleeping well.

When we don’t sleep, our attention spans are shorter. We are less productive and less able to pivot when things don’t go to plan. And the little things kids do just get on our nerves even more.

You need your sleep too. So if you didn’t sleep well, make sure to go to bed early or take a nap. I promise that nap is probably more important than the lunch dishes.

Build in a Workout

Working out gives us more energy in the long run, while also keeping us healthy. It has the added benefit of helping us (and the kids) sleep better.

Given the current situation, I would imagine most of you don’t have time to fit in a full workout. I know I don’t. But there are ways to build workouts into the routine.

Go for a walk with the family in the morning before it gets too warm. The walk will help you keep your cardio up while wearing out the kids. You could do a plank or wall sit while reading stories to the kids. Play physically demanding games with the kids, like hopscotch. And kids love doing yoga with us.

Just look at your routine and ask yourself if there is a way to build in a bit of a workout in any activity. Everything helps.

Forget “Self-Care”

Before you get upset, let me define self-care. Self-care has been misconstrued as including workouts, eating right, and bathing. Those are all self-maintenance. There are two ways we take care of ourselves: self-maintenance and self-care.

Self-maintenance covers everything we need to do to stay healthy. Things like eating well and working out. These are things everyone should do even if they don’t enjoy them.

Self-care is what we do that restores us mentally. If you feel great after yoga, then great! Your self-maintenance and self-care overlap. But maybe your self-care is reading a good book or playing board games. You know it is self-care if you finish the activity and go “Wow, I should do this more often!”

So when I say forget self-care, I really mean forget doing all those fun, restorative things the way you use to before COVID. Depending on what you do for self-care, you might still be able to do a modified version of it. Play board games with your family or online if that is your thing. Join a virtual book club and read the book as a bedtime story to your kids.

Incorporate the self-care into your routine and include your kids or spouse in your ritual. Expecting alone time to do the things that give you peace is just a recipe for disappointment and frustration.

Follow Routines Instead of Schedules

Sticking to a rigid schedule right now is impossible. At least, it is for me. I’ve found flexible routines work a whole lot better than watching the clock.

Sometimes snack time is earlier than normal, or breakfast takes longer to make. Maybe today is super nice outside and everyone wants to spend the whole day in the yard. Whatever the reason, your schedule is going to be thrown out more often than it is followed.

But if you tie activities to routines, then you can get a lot done. In our house, I work during snack and meal times. I sit at the table with the kids and work on my laptop. We still talk, and I stall pay attention to everyone, but everyone knows I’m going to be writing. By tying those activities together I have given myself work time.

We have tons of routines throughout the day. Each one is designed for a specific purpose. Reading time is to give my daughter one-on-one time. Different playtimes facilitate learning or getting rid of energy (working out). And then there are times designed to give me a moment to work.

By setting everything to routines, everything gets done and everyone knows what is expected of them without following a strict schedule.

Give More Time for “To Do’s”

Before all this happened, I would have my whole week mapped out. I would know what needed to get done each day of the week and I would power through the day’s to-do lists. That doesn’t work anymore.

Now I make weekly to-do lists while listing any deadlines on the side of the list. That way I fit in small tasks when I can and I schedule time for big tasks on easy days. Some days I can’t work at all (teething, anyone?) and others I get the majority of the list done because the baby wants to play by herself all day.

By taking the pressure off the day-to-day, you reduce stress and the risk of burnout. So make a reasonable to-do list and give yourself a longer time frame to get them done.

Work as a Team

Not everything is going to divide evenly, but everyone in the house needs to be pulling their weight. Any chores the kids can do, they should do. If you have a spouse you can offload tasks on when you are overwhelmed, do so.

You are not alone and your team needs to step up as much as they can.

Conclusion

It is pretty clear that this is going to be a marathon, not a sprint. It is time we started treating it as such.

Work together with your family to create a new normal that is sustainable. It isn’t easy, but it is worth it in the long run. And make sure to take care of yourself. If you notice yourself getting sick or feeling run down, take a break.

You are important. Your life and sanity are important. Take care of yourself.

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