It is a new year. YAY 2020!
New years often ignites our ambitions for positive change. But change can be scary for both children and adults. How do you help your family weather changes both big and small and cultivate a positive relationship with change?
Know your “why”
Wanting to make a change is great, but you aren’t going to convince anyone to follow you if you don’t know why the change is happening. Before getting buy in, take a moment and figure out what you want out of the change.
What does the end state look like? What will the change get you over the course of the next year? Why are you making this change as opposed to another similar change?
Make sure the “why” for your change makes sense to your family. Changing to off-brand food to save money makes sense to a family living on a tight budget; but that reasoning likely won’t make sense if you are able to save half your paycheck with the budget you have now.
Make sure you can communicate your “why” in a way everyone in the family will understand. And come up with a succinct reason you can give when frustrated children are complaining about the change.
Get buy in
When you have a family, you do not exist in a bubble. Every decision, every change you make affects all the people in your family. Before you decide to make a major (or even minor) change to your lifestyle, talk with your partner.
Parents need to be on the same page. A change isn’t going to take if your partner is not complicit in the change even if they are not the one responsible for the work involved in changing. This conversation can be as simple as “I’m thinking about switching the whole family to bar soap instead of liquid. Good?”
Once you have general buy in from the adults in the household, it is time to get buy in from the kids if it affects them. Do not frame the change as something big. Make it seem fun, like a new adventure or opportunity to learn.
Just make sure you are informing the kids, not asking if they want to make the change. Saying “We have decided we are going to try meatless Mondays. What are your favorite meatless recipes? Lets look some up,” will yield a much different conversation than “Hey, so do you kids wanna try meatless Mondays?”
Communicate early and often
Keeping the lines of communication open during a change is vital. If children (or co-parents) don’t feel they can give criticism on the change, it might turn into a disaster. The change could not take, you could have a household mutiny, or resentment could build.
Listen to complaints, within reason. An “I never feel full after dinner” comment dropped by a pre-teen son could be a valid criticism of your meatless Monday plan. But ignore generic “I don’t like this because it is different” type complaints.
Continue to communicate why the change is happening so people don’t feel like they are being arbitrarily forced to change. Validate feelings of frustration without agreeing to stop the change, and help small children understand that change is not bad.
Start Small
You can’t suddenly change every breakfast to smoothies and avocado toast if the kids are used to cereal and pancakes. Try to make changes slowly. Switch Saturday breakfast, and then when people are used to it, increase the frequency.
If the change is marginally familiar, it will be easy to incorporate in the rest of your life.
Show Joy
One way to stop any change in its tracks is to show frustration or anger at the change. Remember, you are the one spearheading the change. If you are not happy with it, why should your family be?
This does not mean you have to show bubbly over exuberance for the change every time you enact it, but you should show some positive emotion over the change. This could be anything from a smile, to speaking positively about what the change will bring your family over time.
Pivot
Keep the end goal in mind. Sometimes the original method we choose to do something turns out not to work for us or for our family. Be prepared to tweak the plan or start over if necessary.
There are many paths to the same goal. Don’t feel stuck if the initial plan does not work.
Bringing it all together
These steps work for changes as small as switching brands of toothpaste to large changes like moving across country. Remember to be flexible, kind, and patient with larger changes and things should go relatively smoothly.
What changes are you planning for 2020?
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Jane
Jane Reid, the primary author of Unprepared Mom and STEM 911, is an educator, tutor, women’s rights advocate, and mom. Here to make your life easier one article at a time.